8/1 evening

Imagine a five months baby burned and killed and left in the middle of the street for 4 days then dogs came to eat both legs. It was more than enough for me to see this baby helpless and dead. I don’t blame Israel because international community is stand still so I will blame the EU, UN and all human rights organisations around the world. Another 3 years old boy was killed on the 6 of Jan and you know what? 3 years ago he was born at the same date to leave his twin sister Salma alone and to leave his father and mother alone after five years they spent trying to bring them to life.

It’s so fucking hard and noone of you knows any thing about the pure agony because you cant smell the burned flesh and you cant see the details of these bodies and you cant hear the sad tone of the broken words coming out hardly of people’s mouths. If you want to know more watch Al Jazeera international today 11 PM Gaza time in which Alberto Arcia Spanish activist has many stories to tell alive. Moh the Gazan.

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7/1 midnight

In fact it is cheap to send a text or two but I don’t have a deal with the cell company and I am trying to send to as much as I could and about dates and time. Sometimes I send text and it reaches you late because of the coverage and network so sometimes it takes so much time sending it.

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7/1 Late afternoon.

If any of you know any TV channel tell them to contact Ramattan press agency and you can ask them about the paramedic who was shot the leg at 13 30 while trying to get a dead body and the material is free. The medic said that he still expects Israel to respect his humanitarian job and you know what? Fuck the Geneva conventions and screw UN because although people were shot and killed while respecting the laws were supposed to protect them, these laws are killing people and all what people hear is a press conference and a press release. I want to salute all Gazans who are still convinced that this world will wake up and act and people are still believing that these organisations could do something to help them but for me, I hope that sooner they will be ashamed of every moment they spent thinking about their own safety before thinking our safety. Truce is a big lie but we keep building sandcastles although we know its going to vanish with the next wave. Moh the Gazan,

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7/1 afternoon

More than 45 civilians were killed yesterday to rest in peace or at least that’s the theme of burying people but just after that Israeli snipers started to shoot and maybe that was their polite way to ask the traumatised people to leave the graveyards and people could not spend some last intimate moments with their beloved ones. All of that happened just ten minutes before the so called ceasefire that would last for three hours to allow some aid and supplies to get in but that’s not true as the main problem is not a humanitarian problem that it’s the way that Israelis are trying to show by allowing some few trucks to fee more than one and a half million but after 4 PM people will die again and they will not even enjoy the wheat and oil which will be distributed by the UN and then will be killed once more likely in front of these UN facilities. I cried so much when I saw the overwhelming faces of people and all that I demand now is not wheat but peace for me and Gaza. Moh the Gazan.

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6/1 evening

More than 80% of the Gazans are refugees who were forced to leave their home lands in 1948 and now they had to leave their houses and lands for the second time hoping that the UN schools would be safe asking me if they are safe at the time that Israeli tanks have shelled a nearby school and around 45 people who were all civilians were killed and I don’t know if I should tell them the truth or not but I think that they know now they are not safe in an international facility which was hit many times around the years nad we remember that in Lebanon in 1996. I don’t know what to write anymore because I feel like these texts are not even closer to the reality that you should all see smell breath. Do you have any idea how harsh it is for one to survive that alone? We don’t know how much lives should be taken in order to stop all that madness. Justice is all what we are asking for international conferences but with or w*

* are left alone all the time facing killing machines which are the only speakers here at the time we are only turning into figures and numbers and those people will end up as numbers in international conferences.

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6/1 afternoon

Am heading to the North now so I won’t be able to text and I will text whenever I reach Gaza. Love you all. Moh the Gazan.

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6/1

Now I’m in Gaza City so I can likely text. I could not SMS yesterday as there was no net coverage. Anyway it was such a day. I will SMS you the texts as I wrote them and send them tomorrow. Moh the Gazan.

Arafa was one of five medics who were directly targeted while evacuating casualties. He was shelled and killed trying to save lives at the time that Israeli tanks, F 16 fighters are taking lives. Arafa was one of the medics that I had the chance to meet in the Red Crescent Centre in Jabalia but now he is gone.

Yet his friends are solid as rock trying to collect the shredded parts of memories they have and wishing themselves best of luck. Tens of shrapnelles have violated the body of another medic [who] was with him and when I went to see him in the hospital doctors told me that they didn’t even tell him that Arafa d ied. This is the pure and official Israel attitude toward the Geneva conventions and human right laws. If this didnt stop now it will never stop and I dont know how much lives should be taken in order to stop all that madness. Justice is all what we are asking for international conferences but with or with out Geneva or UN, Gazans know that they will be left alone.

They had targeted Al Awda hospital we are in and they targeted the car garage and it was only 15 metres away from me and after 3 minutes they have targeted again but all are ok except some minor injuries and glass crash and now no one could reach the medical supplies centre of the hospital and now no one no one no one is safe.

Moh the Gazan.

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4/1 1 PM

I can’t imagine what will happen if we lost Jawwal’s network and all what I’m thinking about is people in winter with no power or water and completely blocked and isolated even in their own houses and neighbourhoods. What will happen when Israeli tanks bomb and attack civilians and destroy their buildings and leave them with nothing? How will they at least call the ambulance or anybody? What will happen if someone lost a family member or a friend? How could they communicate? I have a very heavey headache thinking of all these scenario’s and I just hope if I could quit but it’s out of my hands yet.

You all can do something and say no and help people here. A 16 years old girl that I died from heart attack after she had a heavy asthma attack after they attacked a place near her house and she died and all know that you don’t die that way from asthma, I feel completely shocked for her death because I know her as a little young girl and I understand that no one of you cares.

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4/1 2009-01-04

Was trapped with medics in the Red Crescent and coordinating with the international Red Cross to get us out of here. I’m fine now ;-)

Jawwal company which is the only cell carrier in the Gaza strip will stop working any time due to the power shortage. Wish if I have an Orange sim card or anything like that. Moh the Gazan.

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3/1 2009

I am in the Jabalia Red Crescent Society and pieces of shells could reach here and people are evacuating and it’s just scary and the shelling didn’t stop.

Just an hour ago before the dawn prayer they attacked a mosque and killed eleven people and injured fifty and in many places ambulances can’t reach the injured.

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++ 29/12

Hey thanks so much for trying Neil, I’m fine I guess but the situation is worse than ever and no one is safe after they have targeted the Islamic university and some mosques. They had run many medical major operation with no pain killer. Thanks so much and have a good time. Moh the Gazan.

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30/12

I’m really sorry Neil but I really can’t check my email because of the power cut most of the time but I will do my best and check my email as east as I c

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31/12

I don’t have time to live another year and I don’t have time to make a long term plan as much as I wish if I could live for another day free of obsession for fear and blood. This will be such a night in which many had to start and go on alone without their beloved ones. Yet they will try to move on. Gaza is bl[….]

*if this text could give a voice of bombing. Our beloved who left us lonely are now in peace but we are the ones who will never forget their last moments under the destroyed houses and twisted metal, our beloved ones are asking all of you to be just fair and to take your human responsibilities. We want to REST in PEACE not to RUST IN ONE PIECE. I wish if I could wake up to find that all of that was an ugly nightmare. Bless all of us and our beloved ones dead or alive and the beloved of our beloved. Happy new year day for us. Moh the Gazan.

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29/2 2008

It’s harsh to be left alone oh dear audiences I’m here on the stage, I’m here acting to please you but then you will leave me alone on that lifeless zone, you laugh and reach even orgasm watching me playing my every day’s choreography, I dance and step on my feelings, step on my humanity, I’ve crushed my own entity then. Here I’m left alone even death died but I’m still here suffering and dying every single moment. I wish if I have only a fan of my own.

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2/3 2008

The streets are almost empty and most people are indoors shops are generally closed. I am on my way to Gaza City now which is very risky but it’s much better than staying home. I realised a very important thing that when you are lonely people would simply leave, yes you need them to stay because you need them beside you but you can not force them to stay. When you are alone you will miss every one so badly but the truth is that no one is even thinking of you…

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21/3 2008

Hope is nothing but a rumour that we should believe in and live for, yet we know that hope is just a pain killer that doctors of life keep prescribing for us. There is no one in this world who would help another because there are no conflicts of interests. For me I just want a life to come to the end I won’t wish or hope any more. No wonder why this world is full of wars and disasters because no one cares But I care but you know what? I don’t give a shit.
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7/4 2008

Only in Gaza you will find that every one is waiting for everything and no one has a single penny to buy anything and even if you have some money to buy something from somewhere you will be so surprised because you will go to every single where trying to find something and you will be lucky to get one thing which is nothing. Generally people, cars and everything are lining up in long long lines and they know that they will get almost nothing: and nothing will ever reach any one and everything is trying so hard to scrubble and climb the rough vertical sharp peak of the land of nowhere ;-)